So per a conversation Paul and I had, we agreed I would journal whenever I am having a "moment". It would be SO much easier if one could just see into my mind. I was thinking earlier today of how great it would be if we had a machine that would shrink and grow things. It would make it so much easier for storage. Fill a box and shrink it. Storage could be so well organized and take up so much less space. :o) ( I know, this really is just a random thought.)
My heart is heavy today. I am feeling overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas. It is hard to be present. I know how I want to live, I am just not sure how to get there. I know how I want to love, but who I was/am isn't the same person that I desire to be. I want to think slowly, process my thoughts or be methodical in my actions. I am quixotic, spontaneous, irrational. So it makes it hard for me mentally to get where I want to be.
I just want to live so simply but the world around us is only moving faster, thinking faster. It is like being on a fast train headed in one direction. It's going so fast that it is hard to enjoy the scenery outside the window. It can be hard to really build on or have relationships as the train is constantly stopping, people are getting onto other fast trains going in different directions and new people are getting on my train. And so we start over with building new relationships.
My fear is that my train is going to get to my destination and I am going to feel a sense of desperation that I will be able to do nothing about. Most people are on a train heading some where. There are few that find their way off the train. No, not onto another train either. They jump. They literally jump off their train. They want to experience life in a completely different way than that which is being offered. All I can think to do is jump. I know it's going to be painful, but it is what my heart cries out for. Get off the fucking train.
The experience of being on the train can be cozy and warm. The stewardess/stewards can create an atmosphere that some passengers can only dream of and as expected they do. Dream, that is. They stick to the menu, to the schedule. Knowing internally, with a burning desire/passion that I need to remove myself from this train is stressful. Like jumping off into the middle of nowhere, to find your own way. To really slow things down. I know I am truly not alone.
When one is on their own, these types of choices don't have such a ripple affect; but when there is a spouse and children on has to be cautious of what comes across as rash judgements or decisions. It's that inner turmoil. Am I going to open that door and step out and let go of the railing? I'm not afraid of the cuts and bruises that might find their way to my knees and elbows; but more concerned about any wounds my family might endure.
My heart tells me it is the right thing to do. All I can hear is "Get off the train, you know it's not right for you!"
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Transition~
So the next step is to make a plan to move forward with the dreams and desires of our life. Getting our house ready to sell would be the first step.
To do this, we have a bit of stuff to do.
I suppose, one step at a time will be the best decision.
Between reading about Mother Teresa and Shane Claiborne, I am finding more and more clarity on decisions that need to be made. I know what my heart longs for.
"Jesus wants me to tell you again...how much is the love He has for each one of you--beyond all what you can imagine....Not only He loves you, even more--He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you. He loves you always, even when you don't feel worthy...." ~Mother Teresa
"Prayer is not so much about convincing God to do what we want God to do as it is about convincing ourselves to do what God wants us to do." ~Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers
What can I do with my life that would Glorify God. We have such amazing examples of how Jesus responded to those around him. Why do we not have these at the forefront of our minds, to help guide us through our daily decision making. It is going to become my focus for the time being. To really know what he said. To really have it be part of me and flow from my heart. I am not looking to be Jesus, I am wanting to strive to love those around me as he did with the people that surrounded him throughout his life.
Our desire is to give more and to do that we are feeling that we really need to humble ourselves and our possessions. A radical way to bring up our children, some might think.
My thoughts are that it can be harder to learn to walk this life than it is to turn around and add things that we think we might be missing. Making the decisions to change in these ways that do not line up with the status quo but they are walls that I am willing to walk through to hopefully gain momentum for my children in their lives, knowing they don't have to start from here but from where we will be when we part ways and start their life adventures.
Our desire is to move from this home and find a home that is less expensive and eventually move into an RV. Our thoughts are, the less we have financially going out, the more we have to give. I would love to find somewhere that people share home, bills, etc. I know most don't understand wanting to live this way. I see so many opportunities and possibilities in living in common housing. Most people enjoy their space and I completely understand that. I was amazed to find that there are communities with parks, gardens, etc. And each family has their own home. No, I'm not talking about the compounds of Utah either...lol
To do this, we have a bit of stuff to do.
I suppose, one step at a time will be the best decision.
Between reading about Mother Teresa and Shane Claiborne, I am finding more and more clarity on decisions that need to be made. I know what my heart longs for.
"Jesus wants me to tell you again...how much is the love He has for each one of you--beyond all what you can imagine....Not only He loves you, even more--He longs for you. He misses you when you don't come close. He thirsts for you. He loves you always, even when you don't feel worthy...." ~Mother Teresa
"Prayer is not so much about convincing God to do what we want God to do as it is about convincing ourselves to do what God wants us to do." ~Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers
What can I do with my life that would Glorify God. We have such amazing examples of how Jesus responded to those around him. Why do we not have these at the forefront of our minds, to help guide us through our daily decision making. It is going to become my focus for the time being. To really know what he said. To really have it be part of me and flow from my heart. I am not looking to be Jesus, I am wanting to strive to love those around me as he did with the people that surrounded him throughout his life.
Our desire is to give more and to do that we are feeling that we really need to humble ourselves and our possessions. A radical way to bring up our children, some might think.
My thoughts are that it can be harder to learn to walk this life than it is to turn around and add things that we think we might be missing. Making the decisions to change in these ways that do not line up with the status quo but they are walls that I am willing to walk through to hopefully gain momentum for my children in their lives, knowing they don't have to start from here but from where we will be when we part ways and start their life adventures.
Our desire is to move from this home and find a home that is less expensive and eventually move into an RV. Our thoughts are, the less we have financially going out, the more we have to give. I would love to find somewhere that people share home, bills, etc. I know most don't understand wanting to live this way. I see so many opportunities and possibilities in living in common housing. Most people enjoy their space and I completely understand that. I was amazed to find that there are communities with parks, gardens, etc. And each family has their own home. No, I'm not talking about the compounds of Utah either...lol
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Where we are at~
This Week~ We recently celebrated J's 9th birthday. He is so excited to be out of the 8's. Per him. *grin* We had a wonderful day on his birthday. Went to dinner at Mayan with family and then went to go see the most recent Narnia movie. His sister and cousin, set him up a party in one of our rooms. They had a blacklight, homemade confetti (that they were throwing up in the air, to look like snow) and dance music!
We are getting the house ready for his family/friends bday party this Saturday. He is really excited. It will be really nice to see P's family from down South. I don't think that we have seen them since Grandma E's burial. I miss them.
Updates~ J has been making up quite a few of his own jokes. Duncan made one up the other day. "Why didn't the cheese want to go to school? He didn't like being graded." S is just about done reading her very first book, "Dork Diaries". She is so excited! I think her love of reading is on it's way. I never enjoyed reading as a child. Now, I can't get enough, but I didn't find that love until I was about 26 yo. The 3 books I remember reading in their entirety, "I'll teach my dog 100 words", "Sweet Valley High" (from a series) and "I Married Adventure". It was the last book that really got me going. Now I can't put them down. So many books to read, so little time. :o) I am currently reading St. Francis of Assissi, Mother Teresa, The Bible and a couple others.
I have been trying to spend more time going through more in the house to get rid of. I am not sure if our plan is to sell or to try and rent out the house. I guess my thought is that if we can keep the house, that would be the best! I don't know, I guess we will see.
The Holidays~ Our plan is to go and help out at a local church that is serving dinners to families in need. I am really excited about doing this as a family. I have fond memories, that had an impact, from spending Thanksgiving feeding those in need with my mom. My heart is being so drawn to this ministry.
My Heart~ I am so thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my husbands job and for the opportunity to be able to be at home with my kids. I am REALLY looking forward to my mothers bday on Friday. My brother, sister and I are planning on going out to dinner with mom. It has been a LONG time, since it was just the three of us and her having some 3 on 1 time. Should be good!
We are getting the house ready for his family/friends bday party this Saturday. He is really excited. It will be really nice to see P's family from down South. I don't think that we have seen them since Grandma E's burial. I miss them.
Updates~ J has been making up quite a few of his own jokes. Duncan made one up the other day. "Why didn't the cheese want to go to school? He didn't like being graded." S is just about done reading her very first book, "Dork Diaries". She is so excited! I think her love of reading is on it's way. I never enjoyed reading as a child. Now, I can't get enough, but I didn't find that love until I was about 26 yo. The 3 books I remember reading in their entirety, "I'll teach my dog 100 words", "Sweet Valley High" (from a series) and "I Married Adventure". It was the last book that really got me going. Now I can't put them down. So many books to read, so little time. :o) I am currently reading St. Francis of Assissi, Mother Teresa, The Bible and a couple others.
I have been trying to spend more time going through more in the house to get rid of. I am not sure if our plan is to sell or to try and rent out the house. I guess my thought is that if we can keep the house, that would be the best! I don't know, I guess we will see.
The Holidays~ Our plan is to go and help out at a local church that is serving dinners to families in need. I am really excited about doing this as a family. I have fond memories, that had an impact, from spending Thanksgiving feeding those in need with my mom. My heart is being so drawn to this ministry.
My Heart~ I am so thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for my husbands job and for the opportunity to be able to be at home with my kids. I am REALLY looking forward to my mothers bday on Friday. My brother, sister and I are planning on going out to dinner with mom. It has been a LONG time, since it was just the three of us and her having some 3 on 1 time. Should be good!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Yummy Almond Poppyseed Muffins~
Makes about 12 muffins
1/4 cup poppy seeds
1 1/2 c plain yogurt
1 c sugar
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 c oil
2 c rice flour
2 eggs
2 t almond extract
slivered almonds (optional)
Mix the seeds, yogurt, sugar, salt and soda. Then add the oil, flour, eggs and extract. Mix until combined. Fill muffin pan 2/3 full, sprinkle slivered almonds over the tops (optional).
Bake for 30 minutes at 350'. Turn out onto a cooling rack to cool.
1/4 cup poppy seeds
1 1/2 c plain yogurt
1 c sugar
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 c oil
2 c rice flour
2 eggs
2 t almond extract
slivered almonds (optional)
Mix the seeds, yogurt, sugar, salt and soda. Then add the oil, flour, eggs and extract. Mix until combined. Fill muffin pan 2/3 full, sprinkle slivered almonds over the tops (optional).
Bake for 30 minutes at 350'. Turn out onto a cooling rack to cool.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
My Noodles and psycho babble
So, you know how they say that woman have a bunch of noodles in their heads that are all touching and that is one of the ways that they describe how a woman thinks; that it is why they could be talking about one thing and then all of the sudden have it jump to another completely different subject?
It is because we seem to be able to find some type of connection in everything we do or think.
I am going to do the best in describing how I have been feeling for sooo long now~
If you can imagine a little light that travels along these noodles that are all interlinked.
I am that light, that little spark of light. It is what keeps me going, keeps me moving, keeps me plugged in.
Well, amongst the noodles are little air pockets filled with just space.
I have found myself in one of those little pockets of air.
Like my light has been derailed.
Like my light is just floating in this little air bubble.
I can see all of the noodles all around me and I am not sure which one to go to.
I see noodle A~That is my family traveling and living in an RV.
If I get on noodle A then I know exactly what needs to be done to keep moving in the direction of noodle A.
I see noodle B~That is my family staying here in this home that we have and building a small farm and living here until my grandchildren come to visit.
If I get onto noodle B then I know the things that I need to do to keep going in that direction.
I see noodle C~That just wants to do the everyday functions of taking care of the home that we are in.
If I get on this noodle then I get lost in the "busy"ness of life and forget about my dreams and the directions that I want to go in, until one day my light gets derailed again.
I become like everyone else in society that is just living their lives and there is nothing that stands out about how they are living in comparison to anyone else that they might walk by on the street. Their lives have no meaning. It is the same routine, day in and day out.
So, I just float and it is depressing.
I try to make the best of where I am at by trying to get somethings done.
By looking into the eyes of the people that I love and letting them know that I love them.
What is it that I really want? I am not sure.
There are so many things that I would like...
I want others to feel the love of Christ.
I want my children to feel my love, not my criticism.
I want my husband to feel like he is the only man in the world when it comes to me.
That he has my full attention and respect, love and honor.
I want the people in my life to feel encouraged and loved.
I want all of the people that cross my path to feel heard, seen, loved and unjudged.
Accepted for who they are.
I want these things to be at the forefront of my mind at all times.
I want to talk with love, think with love, act with love.
I want to show others the compassion that they deserve.
And yet, there are times that I get so caught up in the "world" around me that I forget, feel bad and then find myself back here at this place.
I see life as too short to just go with the flow.
People need us, they need us to show them the love of Christ, to care for them as he would.
To live in peace in our daily lives, not frustration, anger, anxiety, worry.
Where do I start? I know I can't save the world, but it is in my heart.
How can I go along with my day, cleaning and baking, when there are people on the streets that are hurting? How can I enjoy the comforts of my home when I am feeling the pain of the world internally flowing through my body. My heart hurts daily for the world and how lost they might be in their day to day lives that is truly meaningless.
How can people get up and go to work and then come home and feed their kids and run around and put them to bed and then the next day they do the same exact thing and all they can think to themselves is, I hope I can make it through tomorrow or that tomorrow will be easier than today.
I go to bed and lay there thinking, what more could have I done today.
I could have gotten up earlier and gone out and helped someone.
The way I am living my life currently, I feel as if it is all about me.
That really hurts my heart, to the point of current tears.
I look forward to the day that I walk with God, but not to the extent that I am ready now.
I feel like I am missing something. What am I missing?
I live in a home, on land, with healthy children, a husband that loves me more than I feel like I deserve at times, we aren't in debt, we pay our bills and yet I am so sad inside.
What the hell is wrong with me? It isn't a pity party. It truly deep sorrow.
I am not depressed, I just feel like I am missing something.
God, I wish you would reveal it to me. The pain I feel inside is intolerable.
There are days that I am out around friends and I might look like I am fine, but inside I am torn apart. It takes everything in me to smile and keep going.
I question everything.
I feel like I need to get out, but I don't want to feel like I am running away.
If it were just me, I would be gone. Out doing the things that I dream about.
I have other people to consider when it comes to making these decisions at this point, like my children and my husband.
What is it that I am missing?
I feel like I am on hold and my insides are screaming out.
They are screaming, GO!
Go, take on the world.
Love them.
All you need is simplicity.
It will be good for your family.
They will be giving back to humanity.
If it is something that they don't want to do, then when they come legal age to leave they can go do what they want to do.
I feel like I would be ruining part of their childhood by not letting them experience what the world is calling a "real life".
Is it wrong of me to keep them from electricity in our country of comfort and technology to go and love the people of the world that need our love and kindness, that need someone to fight for them?
Or to take them from a home and property that they have grown up on, to go live in a small apartment with no television, so that we are more able to focus on our relationships with people. Because none of the technology and/or video games really matter.
None of it. Not toys, or stuff.
But people.
Enough for now, of what some might consider psycho babble.
May He bring that peace, quickly, that I am seeking.
It is because we seem to be able to find some type of connection in everything we do or think.
I am going to do the best in describing how I have been feeling for sooo long now~
If you can imagine a little light that travels along these noodles that are all interlinked.
I am that light, that little spark of light. It is what keeps me going, keeps me moving, keeps me plugged in.
Well, amongst the noodles are little air pockets filled with just space.
I have found myself in one of those little pockets of air.
Like my light has been derailed.
Like my light is just floating in this little air bubble.
I can see all of the noodles all around me and I am not sure which one to go to.
I see noodle A~That is my family traveling and living in an RV.
If I get on noodle A then I know exactly what needs to be done to keep moving in the direction of noodle A.
I see noodle B~That is my family staying here in this home that we have and building a small farm and living here until my grandchildren come to visit.
If I get onto noodle B then I know the things that I need to do to keep going in that direction.
I see noodle C~That just wants to do the everyday functions of taking care of the home that we are in.
If I get on this noodle then I get lost in the "busy"ness of life and forget about my dreams and the directions that I want to go in, until one day my light gets derailed again.
I become like everyone else in society that is just living their lives and there is nothing that stands out about how they are living in comparison to anyone else that they might walk by on the street. Their lives have no meaning. It is the same routine, day in and day out.
So, I just float and it is depressing.
I try to make the best of where I am at by trying to get somethings done.
By looking into the eyes of the people that I love and letting them know that I love them.
What is it that I really want? I am not sure.
There are so many things that I would like...
I want others to feel the love of Christ.
I want my children to feel my love, not my criticism.
I want my husband to feel like he is the only man in the world when it comes to me.
That he has my full attention and respect, love and honor.
I want the people in my life to feel encouraged and loved.
I want all of the people that cross my path to feel heard, seen, loved and unjudged.
Accepted for who they are.
I want these things to be at the forefront of my mind at all times.
I want to talk with love, think with love, act with love.
I want to show others the compassion that they deserve.
And yet, there are times that I get so caught up in the "world" around me that I forget, feel bad and then find myself back here at this place.
I see life as too short to just go with the flow.
People need us, they need us to show them the love of Christ, to care for them as he would.
To live in peace in our daily lives, not frustration, anger, anxiety, worry.
Where do I start? I know I can't save the world, but it is in my heart.
How can I go along with my day, cleaning and baking, when there are people on the streets that are hurting? How can I enjoy the comforts of my home when I am feeling the pain of the world internally flowing through my body. My heart hurts daily for the world and how lost they might be in their day to day lives that is truly meaningless.
How can people get up and go to work and then come home and feed their kids and run around and put them to bed and then the next day they do the same exact thing and all they can think to themselves is, I hope I can make it through tomorrow or that tomorrow will be easier than today.
I go to bed and lay there thinking, what more could have I done today.
I could have gotten up earlier and gone out and helped someone.
The way I am living my life currently, I feel as if it is all about me.
That really hurts my heart, to the point of current tears.
I look forward to the day that I walk with God, but not to the extent that I am ready now.
I feel like I am missing something. What am I missing?
I live in a home, on land, with healthy children, a husband that loves me more than I feel like I deserve at times, we aren't in debt, we pay our bills and yet I am so sad inside.
What the hell is wrong with me? It isn't a pity party. It truly deep sorrow.
I am not depressed, I just feel like I am missing something.
God, I wish you would reveal it to me. The pain I feel inside is intolerable.
There are days that I am out around friends and I might look like I am fine, but inside I am torn apart. It takes everything in me to smile and keep going.
I question everything.
I feel like I need to get out, but I don't want to feel like I am running away.
If it were just me, I would be gone. Out doing the things that I dream about.
I have other people to consider when it comes to making these decisions at this point, like my children and my husband.
What is it that I am missing?
I feel like I am on hold and my insides are screaming out.
They are screaming, GO!
Go, take on the world.
Love them.
All you need is simplicity.
It will be good for your family.
They will be giving back to humanity.
If it is something that they don't want to do, then when they come legal age to leave they can go do what they want to do.
I feel like I would be ruining part of their childhood by not letting them experience what the world is calling a "real life".
Is it wrong of me to keep them from electricity in our country of comfort and technology to go and love the people of the world that need our love and kindness, that need someone to fight for them?
Or to take them from a home and property that they have grown up on, to go live in a small apartment with no television, so that we are more able to focus on our relationships with people. Because none of the technology and/or video games really matter.
None of it. Not toys, or stuff.
But people.
Enough for now, of what some might consider psycho babble.
May He bring that peace, quickly, that I am seeking.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I don't want to be a glancer, I want to be a non-creepy gazer! :o)
This past year has been an interesting one for me.
I am at a completely new place in my life that I have never been before.
I have been feeling unsettled and restless for almost 3 years now, and as each year has gone by the feeling only grows stronger in a very non-comforting way.
I kept thinking to myself, "What am I doing? Seriously, what I am doing?"
Life can't only be what is in front of me. And why am I not happy? Why do I keep having these waves of overwhelmed sadness. This can't be all there is.
On the evening before my 35th birthday I had gone to bed and decided to read.
The book I opened up and started reading from beginning to end was Ecclesiastes.
It was like it was the exact moment in my life that I was to read exactly that.
So many things were cleared up for me on so many levels.
None of it (“busy”ness of life) really mattered, just the relationships.
I can't count how many times I have sat back and looked at my life and thought how wonderful it is, yet I always ended up feeling discontent.
What the hell, is the only thing I can think to any of that.
How can I be discontent? I was actually offended that someone would suggest that I was. I, was happy. I, was content! I just couldn't figure out where my peace was.
And yet again here came the restlessness.
I have thought about people and how they get caught up in life and activities and their homes. But really when things stop, what do they have? Does any of it really matter? Really?
My opinion is no. It doesn't.
I had started writing this blog after I had read the book of Ecclesiastes.
What it cleared up for me, or should I say stirred up in me, is that I was brought up in a society of the American Dream.
I knew I was going to grow up, get married, have children, own a home, paint it yellow w/ white trim and have a white picket fence around it.
The only thing I don't have is the white fence.
What kind of dream is that?
Why does any of it matter?
We feel accomplished when we get married. Why? Because we have found the one that we are to spend the rest of our lives with, to grow old with. We feel accomplished when we have children, cause that is what a lot of people do after they get married...Have children. It completes the marital package, the picture, right?
And you want to have a home if you didn't get one before you had your children.
Because when you live in a rental, you think to yourself, man..I wish this was my house...this is what I would do with the garden and this is what color I would paint my house and I could decorate my children's rooms a certain way and have their rooms set up a certain way and when I get my home I can have the garden that I want and the dog that I want and it will be my home.
I have gotten all of that.
I have gotten all of that and much more.
I have gotten to stay home with my children, which seems to be a rare thing now days.
Most families are working to pay for their home and their cars and their activities.
But none of it truly matters.
I believe that if you can't be at home wherever you are, then you won't ever find that home that you are looking for.
The energy that we spend wanting a home, to purchasing the home, to working jobs to pay for the home, to buy the "things" that we want in our home, to work hard to pay for those things in our home, to do the yard work that requires having a home and maintaining the outside as well as the inside, it is so time consuming and so many become so consumed with it.
I have spent so much time trying to get rid of things in my life and the things in my house, decluttering, and yet the clutter is constantly there. So much so, that people become consumed by the thought that they need to have their homes a certain way or yards a certain way or they are too embarrassed to have guests in what they call their "home".
The place that they look so forward to spending time in.
It actually stresses them out, more than not.
If I am spending so much time cleaning my home and worrying about what needs to be done next in my home, how am I really connecting with others. Where am I finding the time to spend with other people, building relationships, let alone spending time with my children if we are constantly trying to keep up with the cleaning. What kind of life is that? If you are spending more time cleaning than with your family, I encourage you to step back and take a look at why.
We spend so much money on our homes, clothes or vehicles that when we truly see someone in need, we immediately respond in a...well, if I give it to them it is going to cause me hardship.
I don't want to live my life like that.
I want to live with so little, that I have so much more to give.
I have found so much more life in giving than in having.
Who can I encourage, when I spend more time dusting and decluttering and exchanging out seasonal decorations. Seriously? It feels so selfish.
Have you ever said to someone, I can’t come spend time with you because I have to go work on my house or clean my house? Or some paraphrase or variation of that comment.
Do we really have so much stuff that it overwhelms us to the point that not cleaning stresses us out? I want to be available to people.
The less I have, the more I am able to give.
That is where I want to be.
That is my goal for my life.
That is my dream.
I don't want to keep walking through my life organizing, I want to have more time to look others in the eyes and let them know that someone sees them.
People need to know that others see them.
We have gotten so busy and caught up in our own lives that we don't make true eye contact with others anymore.
They are more like glances.
When is the last time that you genuinely looked at someone that you didn't know and looked them in the eyes and smiled at them, sending nothing but loving thoughts and energy in their direction or gave some of your precious time to them.
People need us to look at them, not glance.
They need us to listen to them, not nod and grin (while we are actually thinking about other things).
“Be here now, no other place to be”~ Mason Jennings
I am at a completely new place in my life that I have never been before.
I have been feeling unsettled and restless for almost 3 years now, and as each year has gone by the feeling only grows stronger in a very non-comforting way.
I kept thinking to myself, "What am I doing? Seriously, what I am doing?"
Life can't only be what is in front of me. And why am I not happy? Why do I keep having these waves of overwhelmed sadness. This can't be all there is.
On the evening before my 35th birthday I had gone to bed and decided to read.
The book I opened up and started reading from beginning to end was Ecclesiastes.
It was like it was the exact moment in my life that I was to read exactly that.
So many things were cleared up for me on so many levels.
None of it (“busy”ness of life) really mattered, just the relationships.
I can't count how many times I have sat back and looked at my life and thought how wonderful it is, yet I always ended up feeling discontent.
What the hell, is the only thing I can think to any of that.
How can I be discontent? I was actually offended that someone would suggest that I was. I, was happy. I, was content! I just couldn't figure out where my peace was.
And yet again here came the restlessness.
I have thought about people and how they get caught up in life and activities and their homes. But really when things stop, what do they have? Does any of it really matter? Really?
My opinion is no. It doesn't.
I had started writing this blog after I had read the book of Ecclesiastes.
What it cleared up for me, or should I say stirred up in me, is that I was brought up in a society of the American Dream.
I knew I was going to grow up, get married, have children, own a home, paint it yellow w/ white trim and have a white picket fence around it.
The only thing I don't have is the white fence.
What kind of dream is that?
Why does any of it matter?
We feel accomplished when we get married. Why? Because we have found the one that we are to spend the rest of our lives with, to grow old with. We feel accomplished when we have children, cause that is what a lot of people do after they get married...Have children. It completes the marital package, the picture, right?
And you want to have a home if you didn't get one before you had your children.
Because when you live in a rental, you think to yourself, man..I wish this was my house...this is what I would do with the garden and this is what color I would paint my house and I could decorate my children's rooms a certain way and have their rooms set up a certain way and when I get my home I can have the garden that I want and the dog that I want and it will be my home.
I have gotten all of that.
I have gotten all of that and much more.
I have gotten to stay home with my children, which seems to be a rare thing now days.
Most families are working to pay for their home and their cars and their activities.
But none of it truly matters.
I believe that if you can't be at home wherever you are, then you won't ever find that home that you are looking for.
The energy that we spend wanting a home, to purchasing the home, to working jobs to pay for the home, to buy the "things" that we want in our home, to work hard to pay for those things in our home, to do the yard work that requires having a home and maintaining the outside as well as the inside, it is so time consuming and so many become so consumed with it.
I have spent so much time trying to get rid of things in my life and the things in my house, decluttering, and yet the clutter is constantly there. So much so, that people become consumed by the thought that they need to have their homes a certain way or yards a certain way or they are too embarrassed to have guests in what they call their "home".
The place that they look so forward to spending time in.
It actually stresses them out, more than not.
If I am spending so much time cleaning my home and worrying about what needs to be done next in my home, how am I really connecting with others. Where am I finding the time to spend with other people, building relationships, let alone spending time with my children if we are constantly trying to keep up with the cleaning. What kind of life is that? If you are spending more time cleaning than with your family, I encourage you to step back and take a look at why.
We spend so much money on our homes, clothes or vehicles that when we truly see someone in need, we immediately respond in a...well, if I give it to them it is going to cause me hardship.
I don't want to live my life like that.
I want to live with so little, that I have so much more to give.
I have found so much more life in giving than in having.
Who can I encourage, when I spend more time dusting and decluttering and exchanging out seasonal decorations. Seriously? It feels so selfish.
Have you ever said to someone, I can’t come spend time with you because I have to go work on my house or clean my house? Or some paraphrase or variation of that comment.
Do we really have so much stuff that it overwhelms us to the point that not cleaning stresses us out? I want to be available to people.
The less I have, the more I am able to give.
That is where I want to be.
That is my goal for my life.
That is my dream.
I don't want to keep walking through my life organizing, I want to have more time to look others in the eyes and let them know that someone sees them.
People need to know that others see them.
We have gotten so busy and caught up in our own lives that we don't make true eye contact with others anymore.
They are more like glances.
When is the last time that you genuinely looked at someone that you didn't know and looked them in the eyes and smiled at them, sending nothing but loving thoughts and energy in their direction or gave some of your precious time to them.
People need us to look at them, not glance.
They need us to listen to them, not nod and grin (while we are actually thinking about other things).
“Be here now, no other place to be”~ Mason Jennings
9 days...
So this morning I am sitting here, pondering what the next week, next 3 years are going to look like. I have gotten to know someone this past year, quite well, and am so thankful for that opportunity. I have shared time and moments with this person and their family that will never be forgotten. They are leaving in just 9 days.
I have been wondering this morning, why I am so emotional. We've talked about keeping in touch or even my family going over to visit, so I am not sure why I feel like I may not see her again. It's almost like they are transitioning out of this life into another, well, I guess it is like that.
I am supposed to be leaving on a retreat with some other friends this weekend, but everything in me wants to stay here and absorb every moment of everyday that I would have an opportunity to be in their presence.
They are real, genuine, honest, funny, outside the box, wise...just a joy to spend time with.
I am supposed to be getting a webcam and have decided that I need to get it in the next few days, so that I can make sure that it is up and running and I know what I am doing with it before they go...lol
I thank God for the opportunity to have had true fellowship with this family.
I hope they know how much they are loved and I will miss hearing and seeing our children giggle together. I am sure this will prompt a flight (we know how I love planes, NOT) to Germany.
I have been wondering this morning, why I am so emotional. We've talked about keeping in touch or even my family going over to visit, so I am not sure why I feel like I may not see her again. It's almost like they are transitioning out of this life into another, well, I guess it is like that.
I am supposed to be leaving on a retreat with some other friends this weekend, but everything in me wants to stay here and absorb every moment of everyday that I would have an opportunity to be in their presence.
They are real, genuine, honest, funny, outside the box, wise...just a joy to spend time with.
I am supposed to be getting a webcam and have decided that I need to get it in the next few days, so that I can make sure that it is up and running and I know what I am doing with it before they go...lol
I thank God for the opportunity to have had true fellowship with this family.
I hope they know how much they are loved and I will miss hearing and seeing our children giggle together. I am sure this will prompt a flight (we know how I love planes, NOT) to Germany.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
An adoptive momma~
So, here we have these kittens that haven't been fed for 24 hrs because we were hoping that Camille would appear.
Long story short, we looked up how to care for week old kittens. Paul purchased formula and bottles and I showed Stella how to help encourage their bowel moments. (that right there...could make you want to not take on this task)
So Stella has been sleeping in the same room as all 3 kittens and waking up at all hours of the night to make sure that they are getting fed and going potty before and after each feeding. Paul and I are amazed at her commitment to these kittens. She has begun noticing which ones eat more and which eat less. Thinking that we are going to be finding homes, when they are old enough, she has named them A, B and C. I think we may have to fix that and name them all miracle.
She was so excited today, that their eyes are starting to open, just for brief moments.
Stella decided that she wanted to mark all three bottles with the A, B and C, so that each kitten has their own bottle and that it will help her keep better track of how much each one is eating. I encouraged her to start keeping a journal today, so that she can keep track of the feedings as well as milestones or changes that she has noticed.
She told me that the other night, she had to stay awake and pet them until they all had gone back to sleep, otherwise they wouldn't have gone back to sleep they would have just cried and been restless in the box/bed. She also has added a water bottle that she warms up frequently and covers with a towel, to help keep them warm. :o)
She has agreed that it is very time consuming, hard work but she seems to really enjoy the responsibity of it all.
Long story short, we looked up how to care for week old kittens. Paul purchased formula and bottles and I showed Stella how to help encourage their bowel moments. (that right there...could make you want to not take on this task)
So Stella has been sleeping in the same room as all 3 kittens and waking up at all hours of the night to make sure that they are getting fed and going potty before and after each feeding. Paul and I are amazed at her commitment to these kittens. She has begun noticing which ones eat more and which eat less. Thinking that we are going to be finding homes, when they are old enough, she has named them A, B and C. I think we may have to fix that and name them all miracle.
She was so excited today, that their eyes are starting to open, just for brief moments.
Stella decided that she wanted to mark all three bottles with the A, B and C, so that each kitten has their own bottle and that it will help her keep better track of how much each one is eating. I encouraged her to start keeping a journal today, so that she can keep track of the feedings as well as milestones or changes that she has noticed.
She told me that the other night, she had to stay awake and pet them until they all had gone back to sleep, otherwise they wouldn't have gone back to sleep they would have just cried and been restless in the box/bed. She also has added a water bottle that she warms up frequently and covers with a towel, to help keep them warm. :o)
She has agreed that it is very time consuming, hard work but she seems to really enjoy the responsibity of it all.
Camille~
Our cat Camille gave birth a little over a week ago. Her first set of kittens had all died and she never really did respond very well to them. It is almost like she knew something was wrong.
After this second set of kittens her behavior has been completely different. She has been a very loving momma. The nursing has been going well and we have watched her snuggle with them and care for them.
About 3 days ago she went missing. No one let her out of the house, in fact we were trying to make sure she stayed in, to care for the kittens. We don't know where she went. I could have sworn that I heard 2 meows when walking through the front room the day after she had gone missing. We have searched all over the house for her and can't find her anywhere, which means she had to of gotten out. One of our concerns was that maybe she didn't deliver one of the last placenta and that it was still inside of her and caused an infection and she died. They say to watch to make sure that each one is delivered, but she delivered her last kitten as we were sleeping and we never saw it, so we don't know. I am hoping, hoping, hoping to not find her somewhere laying dead around our home, hidden in a corner somewhere.
After this second set of kittens her behavior has been completely different. She has been a very loving momma. The nursing has been going well and we have watched her snuggle with them and care for them.
About 3 days ago she went missing. No one let her out of the house, in fact we were trying to make sure she stayed in, to care for the kittens. We don't know where she went. I could have sworn that I heard 2 meows when walking through the front room the day after she had gone missing. We have searched all over the house for her and can't find her anywhere, which means she had to of gotten out. One of our concerns was that maybe she didn't deliver one of the last placenta and that it was still inside of her and caused an infection and she died. They say to watch to make sure that each one is delivered, but she delivered her last kitten as we were sleeping and we never saw it, so we don't know. I am hoping, hoping, hoping to not find her somewhere laying dead around our home, hidden in a corner somewhere.
Our Garden~
OK, so I have decided that I went a little overzealous on the gardening.
I believe that I had read somewhere that you should start out with just a few items and then add to that each year. Did I do that? Um..no. *cringe*
I went for it, like most things I get myself into.
Of all we planted, we harvested some tomato, cucumber, mustard greens, radish, peas, lettuce, a green pepper (the size of a jalapeno, lol).
So far the corn, pumpkin, onions, sweet potato, pear tomato, cabbage, broccoli, carrots, okra and jalapeno peppers haven't worked out.
Too much too soon.
I am not sure I was around enough to water it, but it seemed to do fine with the watering that I did do. Oh..lol, and I planted rhubarb or at least I thought I had. Um, it was Swiss Chard that was called Red Rhubarb. Clearly I am not a direction reader..lol.
I also find that I am having an issue with growing food and then putting it in my mouth.
It's like I can visually see where it came from and that is nauseating or maybe it is like when you make a really fancy meal and don't have the stomach to eat it when you finally sit at the table to finally enjoy it with your guests.
I believe that I had read somewhere that you should start out with just a few items and then add to that each year. Did I do that? Um..no. *cringe*
I went for it, like most things I get myself into.
Of all we planted, we harvested some tomato, cucumber, mustard greens, radish, peas, lettuce, a green pepper (the size of a jalapeno, lol).
So far the corn, pumpkin, onions, sweet potato, pear tomato, cabbage, broccoli, carrots, okra and jalapeno peppers haven't worked out.
Too much too soon.
I am not sure I was around enough to water it, but it seemed to do fine with the watering that I did do. Oh..lol, and I planted rhubarb or at least I thought I had. Um, it was Swiss Chard that was called Red Rhubarb. Clearly I am not a direction reader..lol.
I also find that I am having an issue with growing food and then putting it in my mouth.
It's like I can visually see where it came from and that is nauseating or maybe it is like when you make a really fancy meal and don't have the stomach to eat it when you finally sit at the table to finally enjoy it with your guests.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Seriously...
Since when did our lives evolve around our homes?
What I mean is, when did we become so consumed with taking care of a "home"?
We spend so much time wanting to be in it, that we feel guilty when we don't spend enough time at it. We constantly feel like we need to be doing work in, on and around it.
For what? To keep it up. So we are trying to keep up. With what?
I am starting to think that having a home, isn't what it is cracked up to be.
If we have an apartment someone else takes care of the yard, the outside of the home and does repairs for free.
We think that having a home, we can do the yard however we want, we can paint the rooms however we want. So is the drive to have a home about control. That we need to have it the way "we" want it?
On the other hand, we are told that it is a financial investment.
We pay as much in rent, potentially, that we will for a home.
Yet, we put money into the yard, upgrades, fixing broken appliances, etc.
The idea is to hold onto it long enough that you pay it off or at least are able to make money from it when it is sold.
But if we have to work to pay for it, I don't know that it is worth it.
We can't really enjoy it if we aren't in it.
We are thinking about moving closer to the town that we spend so much time in.
We initially moved out here because we didn't think we could afford anything in the town where we were living and spending all of our time.
For the past 8 years, we having been living in a home, that we have hardly had time to take care of, let alone spent time in as we are hardly ever here.
We would probably spend more time in a smaller home, in the town we live in, than in this home that we are never at.
We like our property but have issues with letting it go.
What are we afraid of?
Losing money? Really, if we sell the home, we could lose money and if we just hold onto it just a little bit longer or just stay here until our kids are grown, then we might make some money off of it.
Why not sell now and spend that time with our children and figure out the financial aspect of it later. Go about it in another way. I don't want to just stay here for the financial stability.
Yet, the thought of selling is scary. What if we make the wrong choice? We will kick ourselves. We won't be able to get it back. It is about a fear of losing something but in the end it is all lost anyways. So what is the issue? I need to ponder this a little bit more.
I am thinking that we need to sell the home and either find a smaller place for less or just rent. It only makes sense.
What I mean is, when did we become so consumed with taking care of a "home"?
We spend so much time wanting to be in it, that we feel guilty when we don't spend enough time at it. We constantly feel like we need to be doing work in, on and around it.
For what? To keep it up. So we are trying to keep up. With what?
I am starting to think that having a home, isn't what it is cracked up to be.
If we have an apartment someone else takes care of the yard, the outside of the home and does repairs for free.
We think that having a home, we can do the yard however we want, we can paint the rooms however we want. So is the drive to have a home about control. That we need to have it the way "we" want it?
On the other hand, we are told that it is a financial investment.
We pay as much in rent, potentially, that we will for a home.
Yet, we put money into the yard, upgrades, fixing broken appliances, etc.
The idea is to hold onto it long enough that you pay it off or at least are able to make money from it when it is sold.
But if we have to work to pay for it, I don't know that it is worth it.
We can't really enjoy it if we aren't in it.
We are thinking about moving closer to the town that we spend so much time in.
We initially moved out here because we didn't think we could afford anything in the town where we were living and spending all of our time.
For the past 8 years, we having been living in a home, that we have hardly had time to take care of, let alone spent time in as we are hardly ever here.
We would probably spend more time in a smaller home, in the town we live in, than in this home that we are never at.
We like our property but have issues with letting it go.
What are we afraid of?
Losing money? Really, if we sell the home, we could lose money and if we just hold onto it just a little bit longer or just stay here until our kids are grown, then we might make some money off of it.
Why not sell now and spend that time with our children and figure out the financial aspect of it later. Go about it in another way. I don't want to just stay here for the financial stability.
Yet, the thought of selling is scary. What if we make the wrong choice? We will kick ourselves. We won't be able to get it back. It is about a fear of losing something but in the end it is all lost anyways. So what is the issue? I need to ponder this a little bit more.
I am thinking that we need to sell the home and either find a smaller place for less or just rent. It only makes sense.
Friday, September 10, 2010
What we choose...
So, I have cut back on some things in my life and am excited about the new paths that my family will be taking.
I am decluttering my life and have felt some serious peace following each decision.
Yesterday I had a great conversation, regarding High School, with my eldest son.
I expressed my thoughts on the subject in a non judgemental, non persuasive manner. I want him to make that decision for himself, if that is what he is wanting to do. I can understand that he thinks that he is, or might be, missing something because of the fact that most of his friends attend some type of school. My stand was that learning doesn't only happen at school and that anything that he wants to know about is at his finger tips. That he doesn't have to go somewhere to have someone tell him what is important for him to know, that he gets to choose what those things are and make decisions that are best for him and his desires.
I talked with him about my knitting. I explained that I didn't go to a class or school type location to learn to knit, that I taught myself because I wanted to know. That one day, I just wanted to know and so I started doing research and practicing, with trial and error, to get what I wanted. I explained to him that I can now make hats and other things but that no particular person told me how to make hats and that I wasn't told to make them in a specific way, using a specific pattern and that I wasn't tested on my knitting skills to see if I could really knit or not. No one gave my knitting an evaluation score and I haven't felt discouraged by a teacher giving me a C- on a hat that I might have felt like deserved an A. My hats are what they are and I am pleased with them.
I shared that, though a professional knitter may find my skills "not up to their par", I am enjoying what I am doing. And, my outcome is still a hat. I may not do stitches the way that they believe that I should do them, but the stitches that I do make work for me. I still have the outcome of a hat and I am pleased with how that hat looks and the hat is functional. I could see that there might be an issue if it didn't even resemble a hat or had a bunch of holes all over it but it is still my hat and if I am pleased with it, then that is what matters. I also talked with him about the fact that no one gave me the pattern for the hat. I didn't go to a school to learn about the hat pattern. I made up my own. It is my pattern. No one else's hat looks like mine, unless by some chance they happen to do the same stitches that I did.
My hat is an original.
I enjoy knitting, I find peace and joy in it. If I was forced to knit growing up, I don't know that I would have enjoyed it. I might have had great stitches, but never knit because I was told I had to know how to do it. And generally we are taught "stuff" in school as kids and are without understanding how it could really benefit our lives from having that skill or knowledge.
Until it became important enough for me to know or desire to know, I wasn't passionate about it.
Just like his interest in Ninja's. Where that will lead, I do not know but he is enjoying what he is finding out.
I am decluttering my life and have felt some serious peace following each decision.
Yesterday I had a great conversation, regarding High School, with my eldest son.
I expressed my thoughts on the subject in a non judgemental, non persuasive manner. I want him to make that decision for himself, if that is what he is wanting to do. I can understand that he thinks that he is, or might be, missing something because of the fact that most of his friends attend some type of school. My stand was that learning doesn't only happen at school and that anything that he wants to know about is at his finger tips. That he doesn't have to go somewhere to have someone tell him what is important for him to know, that he gets to choose what those things are and make decisions that are best for him and his desires.
I talked with him about my knitting. I explained that I didn't go to a class or school type location to learn to knit, that I taught myself because I wanted to know. That one day, I just wanted to know and so I started doing research and practicing, with trial and error, to get what I wanted. I explained to him that I can now make hats and other things but that no particular person told me how to make hats and that I wasn't told to make them in a specific way, using a specific pattern and that I wasn't tested on my knitting skills to see if I could really knit or not. No one gave my knitting an evaluation score and I haven't felt discouraged by a teacher giving me a C- on a hat that I might have felt like deserved an A. My hats are what they are and I am pleased with them.
I shared that, though a professional knitter may find my skills "not up to their par", I am enjoying what I am doing. And, my outcome is still a hat. I may not do stitches the way that they believe that I should do them, but the stitches that I do make work for me. I still have the outcome of a hat and I am pleased with how that hat looks and the hat is functional. I could see that there might be an issue if it didn't even resemble a hat or had a bunch of holes all over it but it is still my hat and if I am pleased with it, then that is what matters. I also talked with him about the fact that no one gave me the pattern for the hat. I didn't go to a school to learn about the hat pattern. I made up my own. It is my pattern. No one else's hat looks like mine, unless by some chance they happen to do the same stitches that I did.
My hat is an original.
I enjoy knitting, I find peace and joy in it. If I was forced to knit growing up, I don't know that I would have enjoyed it. I might have had great stitches, but never knit because I was told I had to know how to do it. And generally we are taught "stuff" in school as kids and are without understanding how it could really benefit our lives from having that skill or knowledge.
Until it became important enough for me to know or desire to know, I wasn't passionate about it.
Just like his interest in Ninja's. Where that will lead, I do not know but he is enjoying what he is finding out.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Kitchen and the bathrooms~
Well, I have decided that I really want to cut back. To live in an RV, means to have less and do only with what you have.
In the kitchen, I have Christmas plates, regular plates, extra plates, etc.
I was thinking that we only pull them out once a year for about a month and then I store them again. I don't really need them. But what my thought is this...
Christmas mugs can be fun, but isn't it more fun to have a regular mug with hot cocoa and a candy cane. Who says that we need to have it be special on the outside or have specific outer ware to make days special...I am thinking that it is what we put into it.
That can go for anything. We can have the items that society says we should have in our rooms, dressers, baskets and bins full of storage stuff, to hold onto just in case, nik naks, etc. But if we only have what we really use and need, then our lives will be less cluttered, the space is more special and less stressful as you don't have much to organize or dust, there isn't so much to put away or fold.
I have filled a few boxes from my kitchen of things that I think that I would use someday or could use someday. They are going to leave my house. Why do I need to have 4 huge stew pots? Seriously? I hate cleaning them, they are big and bulky, they are always catching on the lazy suzanne cabinet, making the thing jam every time I turn it and seriously, do I ever make that much food? It could really be used by a local church that does soup feeds or chili feeds, etc. Ya know.
I was listening to someone last night that I had come across in someone else's blog.
His name is Shane Claiborne. My husband and I sat and listened to one of his talks on Youtube. At one point, he commented "Why is it ok for me to have two of this item when there are others out there that don't even have one and could probably use it."
I know the argument that could be made with this, that there are some things that we could use two of, but I don't need 4 large stew pots. And I started thinking, where else am I doing this in my life? And being that we have 3 kids, what damage am I causing them by showing them this example?
Get rid of the clutter and take care of the one you do have.
That is my thought for the day.
Also, we have decided to go down to one bathroom. We have cleaned the hall bathroom and we will use it when special company comes, but the thought is that if we can't handle sharing one bathroom, how would we do it in an RV? It will also take some pre-meditated thought of being considerate of others and letting them know of your intentions to occupy the toilet for 20 min prior to occupation and giving them a chance to do a quick stop before lock down...lol
We'll see how this goes.
In the kitchen, I have Christmas plates, regular plates, extra plates, etc.
I was thinking that we only pull them out once a year for about a month and then I store them again. I don't really need them. But what my thought is this...
Christmas mugs can be fun, but isn't it more fun to have a regular mug with hot cocoa and a candy cane. Who says that we need to have it be special on the outside or have specific outer ware to make days special...I am thinking that it is what we put into it.
That can go for anything. We can have the items that society says we should have in our rooms, dressers, baskets and bins full of storage stuff, to hold onto just in case, nik naks, etc. But if we only have what we really use and need, then our lives will be less cluttered, the space is more special and less stressful as you don't have much to organize or dust, there isn't so much to put away or fold.
I have filled a few boxes from my kitchen of things that I think that I would use someday or could use someday. They are going to leave my house. Why do I need to have 4 huge stew pots? Seriously? I hate cleaning them, they are big and bulky, they are always catching on the lazy suzanne cabinet, making the thing jam every time I turn it and seriously, do I ever make that much food? It could really be used by a local church that does soup feeds or chili feeds, etc. Ya know.
I was listening to someone last night that I had come across in someone else's blog.
His name is Shane Claiborne. My husband and I sat and listened to one of his talks on Youtube. At one point, he commented "Why is it ok for me to have two of this item when there are others out there that don't even have one and could probably use it."
I know the argument that could be made with this, that there are some things that we could use two of, but I don't need 4 large stew pots. And I started thinking, where else am I doing this in my life? And being that we have 3 kids, what damage am I causing them by showing them this example?
Get rid of the clutter and take care of the one you do have.
That is my thought for the day.
Also, we have decided to go down to one bathroom. We have cleaned the hall bathroom and we will use it when special company comes, but the thought is that if we can't handle sharing one bathroom, how would we do it in an RV? It will also take some pre-meditated thought of being considerate of others and letting them know of your intentions to occupy the toilet for 20 min prior to occupation and giving them a chance to do a quick stop before lock down...lol
We'll see how this goes.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I've Done It~
I've made a meal menu that I think will work, for our family, this time.
Instead of having a Wednesday: Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner and then Thursday....
I have created 8 Breakfasts, 8 Lunches, 16 Snacks, 8 Dinners and labeled them 1-8.
On day 7, I will create the new menu.
This way, if we decide we want to eat #5 Dinner instead of #2, I don't have to make any notes next to the day. I will just be able to see which dinners are leftover on the Dinner list, when I do come to day #5.
Example:
Instead of having a Wednesday: Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner and then Thursday....
I have created 8 Breakfasts, 8 Lunches, 16 Snacks, 8 Dinners and labeled them 1-8.
On day 7, I will create the new menu.
This way, if we decide we want to eat #5 Dinner instead of #2, I don't have to make any notes next to the day. I will just be able to see which dinners are leftover on the Dinner list, when I do come to day #5.
Example:
August 26th through Sept. 2nd
Breakfast:
Scrambled Eggs w/Toast & 1/2 Nectarine
Pancakes w/ Syrup and PB & 1/2 Orange
Quiche w/Grn Pepper, Red Onion, Spinach w/Oranges (Saturday Morning)
Bran Muffins, Hard Boiled Egg w/1/2 Nectarine (Sunday Morning)
Blackberry Yogurt & Fiber One
Oatmeal w/Bananas and Pecans
Pancakes w/PB and Syrup & 1/2 Orange
Scrambled Eggs w/Toast & 1/2 Apple
Daily
Coffee w/ 1/2 & 1/2
Cup of Milk w/Breakfast
Lunch:
Cheese Quesidilla w/ Salsa & 1/2 Apple
Bagel w/Cream Cheese, Celery w/ranch & 1/2 Nect.
Turkey Sand. w/ Carrots & 1/2 Apple (Saturday)
Bean/Cheese Burrito w/Salsa & Shredded Spinach w/ Oranges (Sunday on the go)
Cheese Quesidilla w/ Salsa & 1/2 Apple
Bagel w/Cream Cheese, Carrots & 1/2 Nectarine
PB&J w/ 1/2 Apple, Carrots w/ Ranch
Turkey Sand. w/ Oranges and Carrots
Snacks:
11:30am 2:30pm
Graham Cracker w/ PBCucumbers w/ Ranch
Cheese Sticks Pumpkin Bread
1/2 Apple Celery w/ PB
Carrots w/Ranch Choc Chip Cookies
Pumpkin Bread 1/2 Apple
Celery w/PB Pudding w/Golden Grahams
Cheese Sticks Choc Chip Cookies
Fig Cookies Celery w/PB
Dinner:
Turkey Leg w/Baked Beans
Nachos *Friends House* Bring Chips
Swt and Sour Chicken w/ grn peppers and rice (crockpot) (Saturday)
PB&J Sands, w/chops and choc chip cookies (Sunday on the go)
Fried rice w/eggs, veggies and soy sauce (bible study dish to share)
? (Out for dinner with friends)
Thai Coconut Curry Chicken w/rice
Chicken and Cheesy Tatertots w/ chopped spinach
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Our Bus~
It's sounds like we are going to be getting our bus, after all!
My uncle is suppose to be giving us an old 30+ foot school bus.
We are planning on converting it into an RV!
We are suppose to be getting it in the next few months.
We have a bunch of wood flooring left over from our house remodel and are thinking that maybe we will use it to do the flooring in the bus.
I am trying to not get to excited until it is actually here! :o)
My uncle is suppose to be giving us an old 30+ foot school bus.
We are planning on converting it into an RV!
We are suppose to be getting it in the next few months.
We have a bunch of wood flooring left over from our house remodel and are thinking that maybe we will use it to do the flooring in the bus.
I am trying to not get to excited until it is actually here! :o)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Here we are in August..
This summer has been taking it's time, which is nice. We have been to a new water park in Tacoma. Not bad. We have attended family dinner nights, gone for walks, family reunions, Grandma Ethels burial, the Quarry, the beach, Lake Fair, planted our garden.
Speaking of gardening, I am still trying to figure out how this garden thing is going to work for us.
Overall thoughts...
I am thinking that I need to stop looking out so much and start looking in.
I see the world as a whole but need to focus on my family as a whole, like it's own little planet that I am wanting to direct my focus on.
The overwhelming feelings that this life brings to me, I can't find words to describe.
I know that I am in a new season of my life. Trying to figure some things out, so that these last few years of my children being home won't fly by and leave me feeling regret.
The thought of that regret already angers me.
It means that I am going to have to make some drastic changes in my life and those changes affect those around me.
Very random, sorry.
Speaking of gardening, I am still trying to figure out how this garden thing is going to work for us.
Overall thoughts...
I am thinking that I need to stop looking out so much and start looking in.
I see the world as a whole but need to focus on my family as a whole, like it's own little planet that I am wanting to direct my focus on.
The overwhelming feelings that this life brings to me, I can't find words to describe.
I know that I am in a new season of my life. Trying to figure some things out, so that these last few years of my children being home won't fly by and leave me feeling regret.
The thought of that regret already angers me.
It means that I am going to have to make some drastic changes in my life and those changes affect those around me.
Very random, sorry.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Random thoughts from days past to current~
Well, we had the dirt delivered. The raised garden beds are now in place, with fencing, vegetables planted and netting over the top to keep the wandering cats from using it as a litter box. We planted corn, peas, radish, spinach, mustard greens, lettuce, broccoli, onions, cabbage, celery, rhubarb, sunflowers, jalapeno, pepper, okra, cucumber, swiss chard, cilantro, and carrots. We also planted some more flowers in planter boxes outside of the garden area.
In the past few weeks we decided that we were definitely going to need more room as we haven't yet planted our sweet potato, pumpkin, watermelon or tomatoes. YIKES!
So now we have yet another area of garden. Paul used some of the fallen trees from the backyard and made another raised garden bed, using the logs as border. We also took a toddler bed that looks gardenish and planted some flowers and veggies in it as well, so we have a real flower bed. *grin* We recently put more stakes in the ground around this garden area and have placed fencing net around this area of the garden.
I still have yet to get my herb garden going, whew. And I have my three raspberry plants to get outside!
On a side note, we are thinking that we may need to find a farm for our border collie to go to. No matter the fencing that we have tried to put up and maintain, he is either climbing, ripping through or digging under.
Toward the end of winter, we trimmed our winter apple tree. So far so good. It is looking pretty healthy. The kids have created themselves a fort with a tarp cover.
In the front of the house, the roses have started to form beautiful buds and the rhody has already started blooming. OH! And I have a wind chime on the front porch now! Did I mention that I love the sound of these...I am hoping to collect some more. One of my favorite memories growing up, was going to visit my Grandma Zona and on her front porch there were soooo many wind chimes, different sizes and sounds. Hearing the sound of all of them chiming as the wind blew through her porch is such a soothing memory. They are still there and so is she!
So the kids are all still sleeping yet this morning. I have gotten up, made coffee, made them some danish and am currently baking some zuccini bread. Ah! I need to plant some zuccini! Note to self, purchase a zuccini plant.
In the past few weeks we decided that we were definitely going to need more room as we haven't yet planted our sweet potato, pumpkin, watermelon or tomatoes. YIKES!
So now we have yet another area of garden. Paul used some of the fallen trees from the backyard and made another raised garden bed, using the logs as border. We also took a toddler bed that looks gardenish and planted some flowers and veggies in it as well, so we have a real flower bed. *grin* We recently put more stakes in the ground around this garden area and have placed fencing net around this area of the garden.
I still have yet to get my herb garden going, whew. And I have my three raspberry plants to get outside!
On a side note, we are thinking that we may need to find a farm for our border collie to go to. No matter the fencing that we have tried to put up and maintain, he is either climbing, ripping through or digging under.
Toward the end of winter, we trimmed our winter apple tree. So far so good. It is looking pretty healthy. The kids have created themselves a fort with a tarp cover.
In the front of the house, the roses have started to form beautiful buds and the rhody has already started blooming. OH! And I have a wind chime on the front porch now! Did I mention that I love the sound of these...I am hoping to collect some more. One of my favorite memories growing up, was going to visit my Grandma Zona and on her front porch there were soooo many wind chimes, different sizes and sounds. Hearing the sound of all of them chiming as the wind blew through her porch is such a soothing memory. They are still there and so is she!
So the kids are all still sleeping yet this morning. I have gotten up, made coffee, made them some danish and am currently baking some zuccini bread. Ah! I need to plant some zuccini! Note to self, purchase a zuccini plant.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The dirt is here~
So the dirt is here!
The garden boxes are in place and the grass underneath them has been torn up.
Now, we just need to get the boxes filled.
I am going to get the tomato plant planted today in the hangy thing my dad gave to us.
I am also going to try to start some sweet potato starts.
I am SOOOOOOO excited!
The garden boxes are in place and the grass underneath them has been torn up.
Now, we just need to get the boxes filled.
I am going to get the tomato plant planted today in the hangy thing my dad gave to us.
I am also going to try to start some sweet potato starts.
I am SOOOOOOO excited!
Coffee Filters~
Did you know that you can reuse your coffee filters?
I just emptied the grounds into the compost bin and rinsed the filter off and reused it 3x.
I betcha you could rinse them off and let them redry and then use them again...for who knows how long!!
I just emptied the grounds into the compost bin and rinsed the filter off and reused it 3x.
I betcha you could rinse them off and let them redry and then use them again...for who knows how long!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Topic Baking~
If you are ever asked, in a recipe, to use a heat proof bowl...
Just remember this...
Placing a bowl beneath the mixing bowl (already lifted into place) and then filling it with hot water (refreshing every few minutes) does the same thing.
You don't need no stinking heat proof bowl!
Just remember this...
Placing a bowl beneath the mixing bowl (already lifted into place) and then filling it with hot water (refreshing every few minutes) does the same thing.
You don't need no stinking heat proof bowl!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
This weekend...
So, this weekend our neighbor fell 4 trees in the backyard that were looking like they were going to fall anyway. A few years back another one of the backyard neighbors had an unwatched fire that had never gone out and it ended up rekindling and catching our entire backyard, 2/3 of our property on fire and burning it all up. The trees are burnt about 4 to 5 ft up their trunks. The fire had burnt down all of the scotch bloom which we saw as a blessing but it killed a bunch of the trees. So, the 4 in the back corner were timbered this weekend. It looks so bare in the back corner now.
I wonder what Paul has in store for the wood. :o)
I wonder what Paul has in store for the wood. :o)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A New Day
So, I have been having a crazy week.
I am not sure what is going on with me but according to the med sights on the web, I may be starting to have some perimenopause symptoms. Yeah, I know one would think that I am too young to start...but I don't know how to explain what else would be wrong with me. Not that something is wrong per say, but I am not feeling normal if that makes more sense.
Anywho, we still haven't decided where the garden boxes are going to go, so hopefully we will figure that out today.
Childcare kids here...need to write more later.
So kids are fed and getting dressed and playing.
I am now going to start my day....I'll be back.
I am not sure what is going on with me but according to the med sights on the web, I may be starting to have some perimenopause symptoms. Yeah, I know one would think that I am too young to start...but I don't know how to explain what else would be wrong with me. Not that something is wrong per say, but I am not feeling normal if that makes more sense.
Anywho, we still haven't decided where the garden boxes are going to go, so hopefully we will figure that out today.
Childcare kids here...need to write more later.
So kids are fed and getting dressed and playing.
I am now going to start my day....I'll be back.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Starting with where you're at~
Today we are starting with where we are at. We don't have a huge piece of property but it is an acre, which is more than most it seems. I can envision the property being a small working farm. I see privacy fencing, a garden area, a compost area, an orchard (very small), an area for raspberries and some sort of playhouse structure, built by the kids.
I see a feeling of coziness, a welcoming when you enter into the backyard. Our own personal haven, zen, garden of eden, only known about once you step outside the backdoor. A place for children to run and explore and grown children to having a calming stroll.
It is all starting with garden boxes. Paul and the kids built them last week and have been letting the wood dry so that they could paint them. Well, now they have been painted and are ready to be placed. But where? I want them to have a good location in regard to the sun but am concerned about them not getting enough shade? Is that a realistic thought. Do they really need shade? I don't think the neighbors garden had shade and if I truly start thinking about it farms, back in the day, were in huge open fields with no shade. So, I am going to leave the concern behind me and just figure out a good location.
Then the filling of the dirt and surrounding with the fence to protect them from the neighbors chickens that like to wander in our yard and go through the compost and eat cat food.
I see a feeling of coziness, a welcoming when you enter into the backyard. Our own personal haven, zen, garden of eden, only known about once you step outside the backdoor. A place for children to run and explore and grown children to having a calming stroll.
It is all starting with garden boxes. Paul and the kids built them last week and have been letting the wood dry so that they could paint them. Well, now they have been painted and are ready to be placed. But where? I want them to have a good location in regard to the sun but am concerned about them not getting enough shade? Is that a realistic thought. Do they really need shade? I don't think the neighbors garden had shade and if I truly start thinking about it farms, back in the day, were in huge open fields with no shade. So, I am going to leave the concern behind me and just figure out a good location.
Then the filling of the dirt and surrounding with the fence to protect them from the neighbors chickens that like to wander in our yard and go through the compost and eat cat food.
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