My Noodles and psycho babble

So, you know how they say that woman have a bunch of noodles in their heads that are all touching and that is one of the ways that they describe how a woman thinks; that it is why they could be talking about one thing and then all of the sudden have it jump to another completely different subject?
It is because we seem to be able to find some type of connection in everything we do or think.
I am going to do the best in describing how I have been feeling for sooo long now~
If you can imagine a little light that travels along these noodles that are all interlinked.
I am that light, that little spark of light.  It is what keeps me going, keeps me moving, keeps me plugged in.
Well, amongst the noodles are little air pockets filled with just space.
I have found myself in one of those little pockets of air.
Like my light has been derailed.
Like my light is just floating in this little air bubble.
I can see all of the noodles all around me and I am not sure which one to go to.
I see noodle A~That is my family traveling and living in an RV.
If I get on noodle A then I know exactly what needs to be done to keep moving in the direction of noodle A.
I see noodle B~That is my family staying here in this home that we have and building a small farm and living here until my grandchildren come to visit.
If I get onto noodle B then I know the things that I need to do to keep going in that direction.
I see noodle C~That just wants to do the everyday functions of taking care of the home that we are in.
If I get on this noodle then I get lost in the "busy"ness of life and forget about my dreams and the directions that I want to go in, until one day my light gets derailed again.
I become like everyone else in society that is just living their lives and there is nothing that stands out about how they are living in comparison to anyone else that they might walk by on the street.  Their lives have no meaning.  It is the same routine, day in and day out.
So, I just float and it is depressing.
I try to make the best of where I am at by trying to get somethings done.
By looking into the eyes of the people that I love and letting them know that I love them.
What is it that I really want?  I am not sure.
There are so many things that I would like...
I want others to feel the love of Christ.
I want my children to feel my love, not my criticism.
I want my husband to feel like he is the only man in the world when it comes to me.
That he has my full attention and respect, love and honor.
I want the people in my life to feel encouraged and loved.
I want all of the people that cross my path to feel heard, seen, loved and unjudged.
Accepted for who they are.
I want these things to be at the forefront of my mind at all times.
I want to talk with love, think with love, act with love.
I want to show others the compassion that they deserve.
And yet, there are times that I get so caught up in the "world" around me that I forget, feel bad and then find myself back here at this place.
I see life as too short to just go with the flow.
People need us, they need us to show them the love of Christ, to care for them as he would.
To live in peace in our daily lives, not frustration, anger, anxiety, worry.
Where do I start?  I know I can't save the world, but it is in my heart.
How can I go along with my day, cleaning and baking, when there are people on the streets that are hurting?  How can I enjoy the comforts of my home when I am feeling the pain of the world internally flowing through my body.  My heart hurts daily for the world and how lost they might be in their day to day lives that is truly meaningless.
How can people get up and go to work and then come home and feed their kids and run around and put them to bed and then the next day they do the same exact thing and all they can think to themselves is, I hope I can make it through tomorrow or that tomorrow will be easier than today.
I go to bed and lay there thinking, what more could have I done today.
I could have gotten up earlier and gone out and helped someone.
The way I am living my life currently, I feel as if it is all about me.
That really hurts my heart, to the point of current tears.
I look forward to the day that I walk with God, but not to the extent that I am ready now.
I feel like I am missing something.  What am I missing?
I live in a home, on land, with healthy children, a husband that loves me more than I feel like I deserve at times, we aren't in debt, we pay our bills and yet I am so sad inside.
What the hell is wrong with me?  It isn't a pity party.  It truly deep sorrow.
I am not depressed, I just feel like I am missing something.
God, I wish you would reveal it to me.  The pain I feel inside is intolerable.
There are days that I am out around friends and I might look like I am fine, but inside I am torn apart.  It takes everything in me to smile and keep going.
I question everything.

I feel like I need to get out, but I don't want to feel like I am running away.
If it were just me, I would be gone.  Out doing the things that I dream about.
I have other people to consider when it comes to making these decisions at this point, like my children and my husband.

What is it that I am missing?
I feel like I am on hold and my insides are screaming out.
They are screaming, GO!
Go, take on the world.
Love them.
All you need is simplicity.
It will be good for your family.
They will be giving back to humanity.
If it is something that they don't want to do, then when they come legal age to leave they can go do what they want to do.
I feel like I would be ruining part of their childhood by not letting them experience what the world is calling a "real life".
Is it wrong of me to keep them from electricity in our country of comfort and technology to go and love the people of the world that need our love and kindness, that need someone to fight for them?
Or to take them from a home and property that they have grown up on, to go live in a small apartment with no television, so that we are more able to focus on our relationships with people.  Because none of the technology and/or video games really matter.
None of it.  Not toys, or stuff.
But people.
Enough for now, of what some might consider psycho babble.

May He bring that peace, quickly, that I am seeking.